Royal reply

Mr Eppelsheimer,

One was most gratified to receive your letter and one thanks you for your enquiry.

Sadly, due to the rising cost of rent in London, the royal family have been forced to move permanently to one of our castles in Scotland. Buckingham Palace has just been bought by Mr Richard Branson, who plans to turn it into a nightclub. I suggest you contact him with your question.

If you should find yourself in Scotland during your visit you are more than welcome to visit us. I do hope you like corgis. I welcome guests at Christmas, as it means I will not have to spend so much time talking to my son's new wife.

Yours royally,
Her Majesty the Queen